What I would say…

 

Ms. Deborah,

I’m hoping that somehow this letter makes it’s way into your hands. There are some things I have always wanted to say to you:

I think the World of you.

I admire your ability to go through with an undesired preganancy, especially without any help, doctors, books or guidance. I am amazed by your courage and foresight in knowing that keeping your pregnancy  a secret was the best choice for yourself, and for me. I want to thank you for thinking ahead enough to find an adoption agency to place me in a home. I don’t know as many people who are as selfeless as you who have the strength to carry a baby to term, walk in to the hospital alone and in labor, and walk out of the hospital alone and empty-handed. 

I wanted to apologize for showing up at your doorstep so unexpectedly last month, I can only imagine how completely overwhelmed  you must’ve felt.  I can imagine that my suprise visit opened up a very deep wound of intensely painful feelings, feelings that had been buried for 24 years. I never meant for you to have to retrieve the painful memories. I hope that you never felt ashamed for having given me up for adoption.  Your strength and courage to give me up  has provided me with more opporrtunities than you’ll ever know. 

 Since I sought you out, I had the advantage of working through some of my feelings prior to the day that I showed up at your door in Tennessee. I cannot imagine what it must’ve felt like to be on the other side of the equation. I know that my raw emotions were overpowering when I looked at you for the first time. I’d venture to guess that your emotions were 10 times stronger than mine, I guess this may have been why you denied knowing who I was and asked me to leave. I understand.

Just wanted to let you know that I am doing fine. I am happily married, enjoying all that life throws my way. I live in Seattle, Washington and my home is open to you anytime – I’d love to get to know you more.  

Love,

Your birthdaughter

     -oh, and by the way, my name is Angela.

5 thoughts on “What I would say…

  1. wow honey. Very moving, and well articulated. I hope she gets to read it someday. I’m glad that I was there to experience that moment, because it was one I’ll never forget.

    Love you!

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  2. This is beautiful Angela! I have often wondered what I would say if given the chance to meet my birthparents. Your story is remarkable, and I hope you keep sharing it.

    All the best,

    Rachel (your old lululemon buddy:)

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  3. Ang, you never cease to amaze and inspire me. This letter is so beautiful it almost made me cry (I don’t cry but like twice a year, unless I’m pregnant and emotional:) I hope to read more of your bloggings more often! I really hope that someday you have an editorial spot in the newspaper and I get to read your writings everyday:)

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  4. Angela, I hope this reaches u, as far as being undesired NO! never however when I was told about my options as to your health I thought I did the best for u. I have always wanted toknow how u were doing, The love I have inside noone will ever know. I am sorry about our first meeting, it was not supposed to be done in that way. I wanted my chance to meet u alone just the two of us. Your adoption has nothing to do with anyone but you and I. So with my familys dislike of me right now I do not know what to say to u., Except that I have always had u in my heart, as my sister said about me having a baby does not make a mother, however I sincerely thought my chice was the best, now I am not so sure I am beginning to doubt my personal choices.I think u are a beautiful young woman ( nothanks all to me) I know this however I will pray for your forgiveness for my chices in my life, for it was just my life nobody elses regardless to what they say about me. God Speed to u and your husband, Keep smiling regardless

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