My White Husband & My Black Hair


My husband is great for so many reasons. But tonight, it’s because his hands are in my fro! It feels like the good ‘ol days when I’d spend hours in front of the television as my sister would braid extensions into my hair. Oh, the nostalgia!

From the days in college when I chemically straightened my hair to wearing wigs and weaves, extensions and then back to its natural state – Bryan has been understanding of the whys behind the progression and has told me that my hair looks beautiful throughout. He acknowledges my continual struggle ย of desiring Caucasian-like hair as it flows in the wind, and can be brushed and curling ironed. He’s fine with our bathroom cupboards being filled with hair oils and hair butter and never complains about my nighttime satin cap and satin pillowcase needs. Though the Herbal Essences advertisements make me wonder – if I was able to use that kind of shampoo, would I miraculously end up in a field of roses where life is perpetual bliss? Bryan brings me back to reality, reminding me of our own world of blissful reality right here in Seattle, complete with my once every two week shampoo and Miss Jessie’s deep conditioning regimen. He knows that whether I choose to wear my hair as an afro or in cornrows that I’m not doing it to make a statement or to try to showcase my cultural roots.

I am so thankful to have married a gentleman who can simultaneously understand my longing for fine, shiny hair that can be pulled back in to a ponytail, yet he also encourages my natural state, and supports my Pinterest natural hair obsession. What a guy!

28 thoughts on “My White Husband & My Black Hair

  1. My wife and I are coming up on 15 years, and she started going natural with her hair a few years back. She has never looked more beautiful to me than she does now… ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Your hair is FABULOUS however you choose to wear it, because its on top of YOUR magnificent head. And this is the cutest. picture. EVER.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. that’s such a great pic!! because you can see the tenderness as he combs through your hair, and also, the smile and giddiness on your face… what a precious moment.

    i was first exposed to what you write about, when a previous african coworker of mine expressed her opinion regarding black american women who straightened/permed their hair or wore weaves.. she felt like it was so foreign and odd, because where she was from (she resettled in the States as an adult), no one desired ‘caucasian’ hair, as you describe.

    i also read this article

    which helped me to better understand how it’s not really just an issue of hair, but something far deeper…

    all this to say, i enjoyed reading your post, and gaining more insight into it. thanks for sharing this!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m here to tell you that no matter what shampoo I use, I’m still in a perpetually dirty shower that I share with eleven kids and one husband.


  5. Oh I LOVE your hair! It’s gorgeous natural! You’re beautiful…loving the film you made. And your husband, what a wonderful life partner to have ๐Ÿ™‚


  6. I had seen this picture of you and your husband, and decided that it wasn’t authentic. I decided that it was a picture plucked from some ad. What a wonderful, wonderful surprise to discover the picture IS real and of you and your husband!! How delightful and delicious….!


  7. I am in a domestic partnership and I am white.My girlfriend has been goinG through the same process for the 9 years we have been together. Growing it long, cutting it short, wrapping it at night now natural. I will love her and have loved her at every step of the way. I had to comment because this is….us.


  8. I just saw Closure and all I could think was “Her hair!! why can’t get my hair to look that cool relaxed or natural??!!” You have really beautiful hair, as a black woman, raised in a predominately black setting, I have struggled to make sense of my hair and I was really envious that you’ve been able to “rock your hair” in a reverse setting :-). I really enjoyed the documentary overall and your journey. Loved how supportive your entire family was. I am praying Kyle’s journey is as smooth as yours was. and Your husband did a phenomenal job with the documentary. loved it ๐Ÿ™‚


  9. Love this โค, my husband( Latino) has also been through the battle with me going from braids tracks perms and the big chop, and he always always say its beautiful, even when I know it’s ratchet!! He always say I married you cus you were different and you don’t care what ppl think about Your appearance!! Your hubby is awesome and a keeper!!


  10. Hi Angela! I recently watched Closure and found your blog. I loved the film and, even as a non-adoptee I was inspired by your story. This blog post reminded me of a Facebook note that I wrote last Spring On this topic. Most white folks are completely oblivious about the struggle black women face in trying to meet society’s unfair standard for long, flowing hair. I didn’t even know until I saw Chris Rock’star documentary, Good Hair, which is as funny as it is insightful. Personally, I’ve always found natural black hairstyles to be every bit as attractive as any other, and I believe that if more uninformed people knew about the difficulties black women face in meeting the perceived cultural norm, they’do be more outwardly understanding and affirming of the natural look. Good Hair really opened my eyes. Documentary filmmaking is quite good at that, don’the you think โ˜บ.

    Anyway, here’so my note, if anyone would like to read it. It’s public, so anyone can read it -

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Apropos of that, check out Shingai Shoniwa, lead singer of the Noisettes (an awesome band, by the way). Her hair is amazing, and she’s gorgeous. I want to meet and marry her.


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  13. I love this! I can’t wait to show my daughter! We keep her hair braided mainly because it is so dry here in the desert and so hard on it to be styled often, but her fro is just heaven when it’s free. And we have a veritable beauty supply store in her bathroom cabinet. Thanks for posting about your amazing hair.


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